Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
