maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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