i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
