Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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