I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
