I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
