And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
