She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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