maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
