Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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