hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
