Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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