yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
