I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
