Someone shit on the floor
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
