I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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