Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
