Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
