I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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