I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
