yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
This is my life. Enjoy the view
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
