I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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