Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
