I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
