She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Oh god it's open bar.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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