I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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