Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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