if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
