I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
