i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
