He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
