Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
