can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Let's get the cat blown out
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
