I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Randomize
