my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Mom said you looked used
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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