I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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