But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
