ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
