please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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