OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
