he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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