we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
