My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
