how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
