Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
