The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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