she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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