It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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