After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
