Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
