ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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