Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
