You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
